If I saw you in Heaven
by voiceinme
Summary: (One-Shot Story) The sunlight that is creeping in the window beside the bed woke me up. My head is so heavy and I can't even open my eyes. I'm afraid..I'm afraid that once I open them, tears will flow down my cheeks non-stop. The news yesterday is still fresh in my heart, and it really hurts. How can I take the pain away, if the one who can wash them instantly away is now gone. .


The sunlight that is creeping in the window beside the bed woke me up. My head is so heavy and I can't even open my eyes. I'm afraid..I'm afraid that once I open them, tears will flow down my cheeks non-stop. The news yesterday is still fresh in my heart, and it really hurts. How can I take the pain away, if the one who can wash them instantly away is now gone.

I was on my way to the office when I felt my phone vibrated in my bag, signaling I have a new message to read. I told myself to check it once I get in the office, thinking it is just a normal day and it might be an unimportant message. I am starting to boot my computer and decided to get my phone to check the message while waiting for my computer screen to come out. And there…I got the worst news, and I found myself still staring in my phone. Reading the message over and over again as if I can't understand the message on it or maybe I am hoping that I read it not right…or hoping the message will change afterwards. I know, I am fooling myself in thinking that way, but I can't help myself.

I can't focus in my work. I never shed a tear yet. I can't absorb the news. I got a piece of paper and start writing her name until there's no more space to write on. Maybe it's my way of comforting myself while I'm away from home. I am about to get another page when someone tap my shoulder. I never noticed that someone came in my office. I know who he was. I saw my father, her face is emotionless. He was staring in a piece of paper in my table. He knew. He doesn't need to tell me anything, I know he is hurting as well. I stand slowly and hug him tight. We both spoke no words.

I decided not to go to the hospital now; instead I went to their house and locked myself in her study. My back is still against the door. I closed my eyes, and felt my grandmother's presence. Yes, Grandma Grace just died. But here in her room I can still feel her. I can still see her face smiling back at me in my mind. I took a deep breath and start roaming in the room. She took much of her time in this room, aside from the hospital, and it's the only place I know where I can stay as long as I needed to.

Looking around, I can remember sweet memories with my grandma. She even put a little place here for me when I was a kid. I really admire her and I loved to spend my weekends here in this room with her. I can still remember my little working place here, where I used to do what she was doing and act the same way as hers. I can't help but smile everytime I reminisce those moments with her. Sometimes, she will act as my patient, and I will be busy checking her out as if she's sick. Oh I am missing her now. I walked through her desk, tracing its edge with my fingers. I can still see clearly in my mind, how she let me sit in the edge of desk, but making sure I will not fall, because I want to see what she's actually doing. Her collection of cds caught my attention. She's a music lover. No doubt why her children can play an instrument. I scanned her CDs, as I'm looking for her favorite songs, normally songs of Eric Clapton. I smiled when I finally found one of them, and started playing it.

_Would you know my name  
If I saw you in heaven?  
Would it be the same  
If I saw you in heaven?  
I must be strong and carry on  
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven_

Would you hold my hand  
If I saw you in heaven?  
Would you help me stand  
If I saw you in heaven?  
I'll find my way through night and day  
'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven

After hearing the song, reality hits me. Few hours ago, my Grandma died. And it really hurts. I can feel the pinching in my heart, and I can feel the moisture in my eyes. This is the first time I cried since I heard the news. I got a comforting place in her couch. She used to sit here with me on her lap. She will read a book for me and will tell me what the lesson in that story is. My Grandma is so sweet, loving and so warm. I want her to embrace me like she usually does when I'm upset. I am missing her now. I am missing her a lot.

Dad called, and I know with the sound of his voice, he's worried about me. Taylor picked me up and we went to the hospital. The whole family was there, giving everyone a comforting hug. My mom and dad hugged me and I can see Teddy walking towards us. Dad told me to go home and rest as he still needs to do some paperwork for Grandma. I reached my room still feeling not okay..and I cried myself to sleep.

After a few days of her funeral, here we are now, family gathered altogether to give last respect for Granma Grace. I can see doctors around, some of her old friends and I noticed that there are a lot of unfamiliar faces. Dad told me that most of them are my grandmother's ex- patients. Today, I prepared a eulogy for her. I put all the words that I want to say to her. I heard my name called, and stood in front of my family and those who loves my grandmother. I took a deep breath before I start reading my speech.

**It did not surprised me to see how many people love my grandmother, Grace. She is so sweet, kind and approachable woman with strong principle and beliefs. But for us her grandchildren, she is a loving grandmother, our superhero when we're sick, a caring mother to our parents and a wonderful wife to our grandfather Carrick. She spent most of life in the hospital, caring to other people and seeing what they needed to feel better. But having a busy schedule and on-call career, she never fails to make us feel loved and appreciated. She might be strict sometimes, but she is also our spoiler. **

**I can still remember roaming around her office. I usually spent my weekends with her. She even make me a small place of my own inside her office because I always want to see her working and acting the same way as if I'm her mini self. Sometimes when I am upset, she will carry me in her office and let me sit in her table. She knew me too well. She will tell me stories before I go to bed especially when I'm ill. I can even convinced her to act as my patient and she will let me examined her. I can still remember how happy she is to see my facial reaction when she gave me a medical set to play with. Sometimes she will tell me how my father, Uncle Elliot and Aunt Mia were, when they are still kids. I can still remember how her eyes twinkle when she reminisce those days with them. Telling me that she wished they will never grew up because she wants them to stay as kids. But she is also happy because when they grew up, Teddy, Ava and I brought a new light in her life. She always says how proud she is to us. All important events in our lives, she's there. And now, I am starting to ask myself, can Grandma Grace still be with us in our future achievements and family events? At first it brought me to tears because I know she won't be there anymore, that I will never see her again. I will never see that smile on her face with her arms reaching out everytime I come to visit her. I will never hear her voice and her laughs everytime I tell her I do something stupid on that day. I will never feel her arms embracing me when I'm sick, and never to feel the kiss on my forehead everytime she said goodnight to me. There are so many things that will never happen again because she's not around. But after rehashing the past, I came to understand that she is not really leaving us. When I close my eyes, I can still see her face smiling back at me. I can still her voice reminding me things that she taught me. I can still feel her embrace and sweet kisses. She is still here, because I have her in my heart. She has that special place in our hearts that will always remind us that she's still here with us. She will always be because we love her that much. Grandma, we love you so much and I hope the angels are now singing as they welcome you in Heaven…**

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**Author's Note:**

This is a one-shot story. It is my way to express my feelings. My grandmother died few days ago and writing this story helped me to feel better. I am really sorry for not updating my first story ( **To Be Your Man** ). It makes me sad that some of my readers unfollowed it but I hope they understand how hard it is for me to deal with the situation now, but I will do my best to write a chapter as soon as I can. Thank you!


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